Breaking up with an Online Partner

5 min readAug 12, 2021

Welcome to online dating. It’s where you meet hundreds of potential partners and get to talk to them every day.

Though everything is virtual, breakups and heartaches are still likely to occur. Now, what would happen if you were to break up with someone you met online?

Would it be just the same as doing it in person?

Let’s find out.

Stage 1: Breaking the News

You don’t have to force yourself to stay in a relationship that’s no longer making you happy. No matter the reason, it’s better to be upfront and honest with your feelings.

By contrast, they should also be truthful because you deserve their honesty too.

After considering the breakup, the next thing you have to know is how to deliver the bad news to them.

Stage 1.1: Minimizing Your Communication

It’s possible that you haven’t met each other in person yet. If this is the case, you can slowly cut off contact with them. Doing so will give them a hint.

It helps you avoid awkward confrontations. You also won’t have to feign politeness with them.

If you think they aren’t that much invested in the relationship, tapering off contact is a smart thing to do.

However, this approach may not be your best option, especially if you’re with someone who’s more invested in the relationship than you. They’d feel hurt and confused as to what made you distant from them.

If this is the case, a serious conversation might be the better approach.

Stage 1.2: Waiting For Them to Get Back at You

A different method of approaching this problem might be waiting for them to contact you.

If you’re uncertain about how much your relationship matters to them, give yourself a few days to sort out your feelings. Stepping back allows you to see how they react.

If they don’t reach out to you even once, you can safely assume that they’re also not interested in going through with the relationship.

Once you’re sure about their lack of commitment, you can slowly move on from them even without a formal breakup and closure.

Stage 1.3: Choosing the Right Time to Say It

It’s not ideal to break up with someone over the phone. It’s rude and inconsiderate. You don’t know whether they’re having a great or bad day. You’ll either risk ruining their good day or making their day much worse than it already is.

That’s why choosing the right time is crucial.

If you’re comfortable in telling them upfront, you can ask to see each other in person. But if the situation makes it impossible for you to meet, a conversation through a phone call will suffice.

If you’ve decided to meet up with them, grab it as an opportunity to find out whether you’ve made the right decision to part ways with them. You’ll know you’ve made the right choice if seeing them in person doesn’t spark anything inside of you.

On the other hand, if seeing them again thrills you, staying together might be a good idea.

Another important thing to consider is their availability. If you’ve organized your thoughts into a single message, don’t send it during their workday. Even if you’re planning to end things with them, be considerate. They might not know how to handle breakups well. It could affect their productivity at work.

Choose a time that gives them ample time to process things.

Stage 1.4: Considering the Relationship Altogether

If your relationship wasn’t serious, don’t bother meeting up with them. Breaking up with someone you’ve only been messaging online is awkward and embarrassing.

Assuming that you’ve seen each other in person and have gone on a date or two, a call would do just fine. But if things were truly serious between you, it’s best to meet up and tell them personally that you want to break things off.

Stage 2: Expressing Your Emotions

Think of the reason why you want to break up. This will help you figure out your feelings. In turn, you can express your emotions more effectively. Ask yourself what went wrong, who felt short, and why you’ve become uninterested in pursuing the relationship.

When did it start not feeling right to you? Have they said anything to hurt your feelings or made you think you were incompatible? Whatever it is, you need to figure it out.

While it’s important, to be honest with them, you don’t have to be ruthless when delivering the news. There’s no need to say every single thing you disliked about them.

Keep it simple and on point.

Stage 2.1: Be Realistic

Try not to make a big deal out of it. Your online relationship might not even be that serious. You’ll only embarrass yourself if you blow things out of proportion.

Keep in mind that online relationships are quite different from real-life relationships. Though you can talk endlessly online, it doesn’t guarantee you’ll act the same when you’re together face-to-face.

Stage 2.2: Be Direct

Don’t beat around the bush. You’ll only cause confusion. Likewise, you don’t have to sugarcoat it. Ditch the “it’s not you, it’s me” quote and get to the point. Say “I want to break up with you.”

If they ask you why you want to break things off, don’t hesitate to let them know. Think of it as a courtesy; they deserve to know. At the same time, it will help them move on.

Stage 2.3: Ending It with a Positive Note

It’s not healthy to hold grudges against each other. If possible, offer a truce and make friends with them immediately. You know each other well by now. It would be a shame to throw it all away. Although it didn’t work out romantically, it’s still possible to remain friends.

The Drawbacks of Breaking Up

It’s normal to question whether you made the right decision after ending things with a partner. But keep in mind that all of these doubtful thoughts are temporary. As long as you don’t let yourself get carried away, you won’t be rushing to their DMs trying to win them back again.

To help you avoid the pitfalls of a breakup, here are some things you should take note of: